I’ve been at work tonight and come home really, really stressed. I’ve been there for about a month and a half now, and I feel its just getting too much for me. As far as things are going, tonight my manager has had a go at me for not following proper closing procedure, for turning up late, for having too much money in my till, and for not stocking things up properly.
I know as far as things go what my job is, but I feel that far too much is being expected of me. I’ve been there for 6 weeks, and I’m still winging it, because the manager won’t get off his ass and show me how to do things properly. for the closing procedure I’ve been left a sheet with written instructions on what to do – a sheet which may have been written with the dead sea scrolls, because it’s covered in so much crap and contradiction that if I was to follow it word for word, I’d end up unlocking the shop and going home for the night like that.
The other ‘complaints’ have just had me boiling. I didn’t get them until an hour after the manager had left. He’d written them all in black marker, or A4 white paper, and duct-taped them to the storeroom door. Technically I should never have seen them – let’s face it, why do you write complaints about lack of stocking up and put it in the stock room? Thats a completely stupid thing to do. If you’re right and I never stock up, I'[ll never see it, and if you’re wrong you’re gonna make me feel like crap and worry I’m not doing things right. You’d be as well to write “Flammable” and put it in a fire.
As it went the problem was because I didn’t do any stocking LAST night. Not because I never do it, but because of one night. One night, which was packed so full of customers I’d considered locking the door and going crying in the corner. I almost ended up doing that tonight because of it all.
The same problem arises about me being late. Now this one, was actually written for everyone. It’s not that I’m late, it’s that everyone is always late. This is possibly going to cause huge fights – perhaps even to a loss of job on Monday, because I intend to argue with the manager about it. I don’t believe that he has the right to complain for us being late, considering the clocks in work are 10 minutes fast (he’s changed one of them back in the past 2 days, but the rest are still wrong) and expects us to be there for them. Now call me crazy but I think if I’m getting paid from 6-10 I should be working from 6-10, not 17.50-10:00. Especially since it doesnt go that way. He starts every day at 10:00, for a 10-6 shift. Not 09:55, not 09:30, but 10. I on the other hand, close up 4 days a week. I’m not allowed to close until 21:58, and then everything which needs done is me working unpaid. It’s a good half-hours work to finish all the files, but no, thats it – no pay, its my fault. yet here he is complaining about me being 3 minutes late by a clock thats 10 minutes fast. It just makes me burn.
I’ve just been told for holidays this week as well. I have to use them by the end of september or lose them. thats fair enough, until I realised what my hours are. I’m getting 15.5 hours holiday, because it’s all based on your contract and how long you’ve been there. So, because I have an 8 hour contract, and have been there for 6 weeks I get 15.5 hours. Thats great, until I look at my times. I’ve been in every week for at least 24 hours, averaging 2 hours more than the manager every week. This week I’m down for 31.5 hours, while the manager has 12. I ask, in what world is that fair? I get paid minimum, to do far more than I should, and still he complains about every little thing. If I’m going to have to work 24 hours a week, they could at least have the decency to give me a 24 hour contract, and let me have some holidays. 15.5 hours isnt even going to count as 2 days, I expect.
I doubt it’s all the work thats got me so depressed however. I’m not sure but I seem to have fallen out with my best friend as well. I’ve not heard from him in a couple weeks. I was in a bad mood with him about money that he was owe me, and he turned up with it a few days later, but I’ve not seen him since.
Theres something odd feeling though. Normally he stresses me out the whole time, and makes me so damn angry… but he’s the only person in the world now who can calm me down, or even understand me half the time. I don’t have the usual feeling of missing him, or of the anger which normal comes from being ignored. I have a slight feeling that it may just be the end of the friendship. I don’t know, but in saying that it’s not bringing me huge sadness… or happiness thankfully. I wonder if possibly the relationship has just run it’s course. It’s a shame to even think, because there were times when I just couldn’t cope without speaking to him, and now this. I can’t tell if I should weep and mourn the passing of a once great friendship, or rejoice that it doesn’t feel worse than this.